The Road to Mein Leiben
A Brief History and Section 3
-For the Uncensored!
(this is my other favorite song from the soundtrack that actually didn’t make the cut. totally bummed).
A Brief History
As of 36 years old, this is to be said. I have failed in most of my life. I have never found any real enjoyment other than writing novels and playing games. It’s a serious indication of what I was going to be in life. Jobs didn’t really mean anything. With mental issues playing against me, video games create an insular world. A power fantasy that I never earned in real life. To never reach that higher goal of life, of beinf successful. It’s what eats away at my heart. It’s what turns me silent. I never felt that talking to people helped me at all. Writing, like this, is the only way I could push out any real negative ooze.
Telling someone how I feel or what I think always made them uncomfortable. One part of me said, “If they can’t handle it, you aren’t cut from the same cloth.” If I have to walk on egg shells most of my life, I don’t think this world wanted me in the first place. It’s my duty to make sure that my place is heard in the culture.
But all of this feels like bullshit. Nothing in the culture actually represents my life. Having friends was also a hard thing to keep. As I was later diagnosed with Aspbergers, it stands to reason why I don’t get along with people.
And the mass population, for unkown and known reasons, hate me for being different. It takes a real artist to be alone and living on the edges of society. To color outside the line.
To have friends is to be broke and miserable. Or I could be daring, inaccessible, a true artist and be alone and find my own path to success. People are always mad when I didn’t take the roads they wanted. If getting along with people means I don’t have the will to accept what they say, it’s only normal for me to react on instinct.
Respecting “authority” is only for people who are willing to become pawns in political and corporate affairs. They are true believers. The only thing I believed in was my art and my words. And as Tony Montana said, “All I have are my balls and my word, and I don’t break them for no one.”
I echo this statement but replace balls, with art, and you would have that same moniker from yours truly. If having to create some indefinite loop of acceptance is how people get along in society, then they never had the balls to do what they wanted in life.
No school teacher ever likes being a teacher. It’s a job to make money. It’s not to actually help people. And when people say, “You don’t have to actually know what you’re teaching” it’s not what teachers are supposed to be doing. That’s not a teacher, that’s a liar. These are the same people who think that you can just go to work and turn off your emotions. When to be outside with people drains my existence.
To have to entertain small talk about their expensive window drapes and there fancy suits bores me. I don’t mind these things, but this is materialism and the first world problems of a late delivery, and scolding the mailman to themselves, is once again, cringe inducing. I’m not going to pretend that socialism is a good thing. You can’t make money from nothing. That’s not the case. I don’t want to be “everyone’s best version” because it’s all a scam.
When authorities won’t arrest looters and rioters because in 2022 they serve a political party, like Democrats and lefties, I don’t see the world following a sane order. Having to give up everything I love in order to make money. It’s hard for me to look seriously at people and find that they “are good citizens.”
Who wants to exist in a society where Nazi’s and lefties are redesigning society into trans gender issues, making some deformed weapon, children, against each other.
So in a way, I see a lot of myself in this game. Blazkowitz and his inability to make peace with a society that is fundamentally against him. A society that has nothing to do with real world gains of Republic ideals, or artistic merit.
Sadly enough, being a good gamer is what occupies most of modern millennials and zoomers. It’s hard to find people who read let alone want to read. But to understand this medal, Mein Leben, is to competently understand addiction. And addiction doesn’t have to be through drugs. It’s worse when society is not able to understand that debilitating function. Video games, in there right, can now be used as a way of showcasing ignorance, and self delusion. Sometimes people enjoy games and do other things.
This is not for those people who understand that concept of games after a hard day of work is achieved.
Personally, as a loner, video games allowed me to push away the important things in life. Not getting a job. Not showing up to work on time. Not interacting with society in the real world. For me, these 36 years proved that everything I found in life didn’t interest me. Having aspergers didn’t help me feel better, either, with depression and schizophrenia.
There is no way to treat Aspergers. People who have it aren’t rich millionaires, either. They aren’t your favorite streamers or they aren’t building rocket ships, like Elon Musk. Aspergers, to me, is a way of identifying that special obsession that most people don’t have.