The Quest for Mein Leben
Chapter 2: Section 2 and 3
-For the Uncensored!
(not my footage of my Mein Leben fails, but pretty great mockup of what it’s like to fail on the Mein Leben difficulty. Video provided by RezavejTank).
Section 2: The Undeniable Façade of Failure
Took a week off as I wanted to make sure that I could have enough strength to play and then fail. To make notes and constantly appraise your playthroughs. Because playing Mein Leiben is playing for failure. It’s playing against a chess game that you know you might fail. But I must believe to play through it. It’s when I start thinking like William J. Blazkowitz. It does seem futile to fight. But it can be done. If I can write, I can beat Mein Leiben. What I am realizing is that I don’t want to play the game.
10th time- 4-9-2022. Didn’t shoot the dog. 6:42. Died in the sub again. Don’t activate the traps before you get to the final area of the sub. Had to take the long way around again. Fuck!
11th time-shot the dog. 23 minutes. Died right before leaving the auzmerzer. Tried to finish the big enemy. Run!
I don’t want to think about having to play the game on one life and no break. It’s halfway traumatizing to want to go back to play Mein Lebein, and the idea of having to be so careful is what makes most players switch the game back to easy. It’s easy to understand why people want an easy mode. But when I put a game on easy mode, it’s almost an embarrassment for me. It shows actual progression that I realize something is easy. I realized it when I played Gears of War 5 on an easier mode, and it was insulting to my intelligence.
It’s humans who want a challenge and no matter what can be done, they will try to achieve that goal. But building a house is different from beating a hard game level. It’s almost the despondent idea of “playing life on easy mode.”
I would argue that, yes, I had some things easy. But it came with a catch. Being so mentally imbalanced. Yes, someone who writes or creates Art is mentally imbalanced. If you think that 9 to 5 workers can create, it takes someone without scruples. Even someone who wants to play a game for a trophy that might seem like a waste of time for the Tik Tok generation. It’s about bragging rights, too.
The consequence of spending so much time on Wolfenstein 2 is constantly changing the flow the game will throw at you. What must be said is that loneliness and failure comes into play, too. Most gamers aren’t lonely people. They have a group of friends who play online. There’s a consequence to playing single player campaigns. The idea of being alone and playing by yourself. I miss the days when you had to play with someone and with Mortal Kombat, screaming in someones face, “EAT MY SHIT!” is the most enjoyable feeling, ever.
Being online is almost impersonal, like I’m a hitman, and I’m not even being paid that much to play or even complete the tasks. So, coming back to this game, by the 11th time, becomes fucking disingenuous.
But this, is almost a personal quest that most would adjust themselves in discomfort upon reading. Like being kicked in the balls repeatedly, and having to carry himself as a failure. And boy do I feel like a failure?
But considering the small amount of time I played in New York has to be talked about. The best way through New York harbor is to move over the landing. You will hear Nazi’s below you. If you can sneak over the pipe and take out the guard, just move up the stairs, and try not to attract attention. But all this took a minute before I died.