Open Letter to Ubisoft
Somehow it brings me great joy to air my grievances with a pile of shit, and once a majorly talented prestigious corporation, such as Ubisoft.
The developers behind such once great series like Far Cry, Assassin’s Creed, Splinter Cell, Ghost Recon, For Honor, and many other games that were once good, or before they got there grubby hands on it. Now, you have another name and failed brand called Skull and Bones. It pains me to say this, but it’s time for Ubisoft to quit making video games. The players themselves aren’t so deluded to thinking that and maybe it takes an open letter like this to explain why the world, including it’s subsidiary companies, want out. It’s time.
Nobody in there right mind wants to play an Assassin’s Creed game where there’s no stealth or even the faintest hint of a game that reminds us of a once great series that crippled its open flow combat system that RockSteady copied in there famous, but RIP, Batman Arkham franchise. For me, Assassin’s Creed looks fantastic but now resembles a series that’s predicated on loot boxes and pay to win swords that cost as much as a DLC story line. And nobody wants a 100 hour plus open world game where you have to grind through up the ladder of a thousand different objectives in order to face off against anyone at all.
It’s insane to believe that anyone likes Ubisoft games unless they have no prior knowledge of the games that came before. I’m not saying I enjoyed Far Cry 2, but there are some that do, and that has it’s fans. But somehow, pretending that Ubisoft cared about WatchDogs enough to make 2 and Legion be a full fledged game that pretends it’s as great or even playable past the first time is why nobody ever talks about it. If you see commercials where they show people reacting to it or playing it reminds you that those youtubers were paid, not well enough, to play the game.
Zanny, a youtuber, put so many hours into For Honor he had to play From Software games in order to take himself seriously. He still plays looter shooters, but sometimes, Ubisoft, in there own right, used to make challenging games.
Because finally, we get to the heart of the matter. Skull and Bones[1], another soulless cash grab, about pirates with no real story and no fucking soul in it. The consequence of being a game about pirates is that it’s supposed to be fun. And I’m not a Sea of Thieves fan, but I’m pretty sure nobody wants to play a game that took too long to develop with no real gameplay that brings players back for more.
I want to pretend that Ubisoft wants to make a game that people want to play, but they lost the formula. And Ubisoft, in there own right, doesn’t pretend in there execution and game devs minds that want to be the best at what they are at. They certainly have enough money to shit out enough games, putting Michelle Rodriguez in said commercial, to promote Skull and Bones. I wonder if she gargled mouthwash in her eyes after she had to watch people play that game in front of her? Poor Michelle.
But Ubisoft, in there own right, couldn’t pretend or care. Ubisoft is a ghost company creating games that nobody wants to play or even insanely wants to buy. At least Bethesda knows it can make games that they can work on and later fix. There’s nothing in the rule book that Ubisoft can make a good game, but are they incentivized by the players anymore?
No.
No.
And no.
If you think the enemy is the youtuber or something that criticizes Ubisoft, congratulations, you are their customer. The person who doesn’t know the past or history. And it’s Ubisoft’s fault, too. They don’t expect people to care, at all. Because brands, no matter what, don’t matter to Ubisoft. If they did, they would be broke, sold off, and forgotten about. It takes a true brand to kill itself off and then become something entirely different in its life cycle.
But let’s be honest here, one more youtuber saying “Skull and Bones is bad” isn’t the point. It’s time for Ubisoft to hang up their fucking spurs and go the fuck away. Nobody wanted Skull and Bones that it should have been obliterated from outer space and creampied into a homeless person’s ass. At least the homeless person would get some enjoyment out of it, they don’t know anything else.
So from the bottom of my heart and all the fans of Assassin’s Creed, Splinter Cell, GO FUCK YOURSELVES Ubisoft. Eat a bag of dicks and sell the remains of yourself to Haiti, because then the Clintons would then have to steal from Haiti and Ubisoft to call themselves just and fair.
LtB
[1] I almost wrote Black Flag instead of Skull and Bones.
My man’s got a gift for creative curses.